Life is a puzzle being completed sequencially from the outside in. Each experience is a puzzle piece and as time goes on the pieces gradually join together to form a complete picture. Sometimes it's obvious when pieces are missing so we go searching for them and they fall right into place. Other times we think we know what our puzzle should look like, but we end up searching for the wrong piece and when we find a piece that looks remotely like it will fit, we force it into the puzzle to try to fill some of the empty space.
It's funny how you think you need something but you really don't. There are times in my life when I'm so sure that a relationship is the missing piece I need to fill the void in my puzzleor connect all the pieces. I get antsy, wondering if I'm ever going to find that piece and end up forcing someone into the puzzle, who only patially fits. I convince myself that I need them to complete the puzzle and then get frustrated and resentful when things don't work out. I feel like if I don't have that guy the empty space will never be filled because there is no other piece that will fit.
After I stop convincing myself that I need to fill that space, I realize that a relationship is not the piece I'm looking for. The truth of the matter is my puzzle isn't even close to being complete and that void won't be filled by that one puzzle piece. That piece doesn't even have to be in place for me to be happy or complete. The feeling of being incomplete is just something that I have created in my mind. There are so many pieces of the puzzle to be gained and there are pieces that need to be put in place before that one will fit. I have my whole life to find where that one goes.
Meaningful relationships come when it's the right time, not when I think that's the piece that's missing from my life and convince myself to fall in love to fill the empty space. I think half of the time when I like some guy I am really looking for some kind of validation that I matter and that I'm needed. I want to be an essential piece to their puzzle that holds the other pieces together. It's painful wanting to matter to someone and not mattering, as well as exhausting trying to convince them they need me, when it's obvious that I don't fit into their puzzle. When it comes down to it, I shouldn't have to fight for love or convince anyone to love me. The right person won't need convincing. They will fit without force into my puzzle and me into theirs. When the timing is right, that puzzle piece will no longer be missing and there will be a puzzle I fit in to.
No comments:
Post a Comment